I may make my blog private, still considering. (though I don't update much)

Mixed emotion. Unwilling to face it. Refuse to take actions against it. Let it be & I'll just go crazy.
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I'm bored at home but I'm lazy to go out too. Sighhh, bad time of the month, weather's bad!! Having headache for like past 2 days, sickening!

Things to be happy: I run around my house for nearly 1hour yesterday. (reason: sports shoes are in my dad's car) and I did 60 situps! (: but my legs and tummy are hurting now. hurhur!

I wonder if I'll be busy next week onwards.
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Firstly, A'Levels is ending (seriously didn't expect it to past so fast, but I guess in a way it's good) Nevertheless, I'm praying hard for a miracle.

Secondly, I've changed my blogskin, am loving it: makes me wanna blog (though I really lost my inspiration)

Thirdly, I'm amazed by the things I've blogged over the 2 years (: It's not really a consistent update about my life, but it's the bits and pieces of how I felt, & I guess it feels rather good to re-read them (:

I always like these times when I can just stone and let my thoughts run, thinking about anything under the sun / stars. About family, about results, about friends, about myself.

Like how to overcome this Fear, the fear of Love.
Reliance & Trust were what I'm afriad of. After all, I've always been trying to convince myself - No single person belongs to you and only you, and no, I can never understand what everyone or anyone is thinking. That's when wall starts building up because I'm afraid of disappointment... and the list goes on.
The feeling of loneliness is very real and at times threatening.
That's the World we live in.
{Just some of my Thoughts}

Let those flashbacks keep playing, I need to rewind and reminisce;
Let the time freeze for just a little while more, I need few more moments before my thoughts are cleared;
Let the rain touch my face, to freshen up my senses, to brighten up my eyes;
Let me close my eyes and feel the stars above;
Just let me wander off into my fantasy,
& I promise to return by sun rise.

[Mood:lazy]
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GAMBATTE



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I'm left with one more physics paper 1 on Monday and I'm done with Prelims. Seriously, I still can't believe Prelims is ending already.

Looking back, I guess this is the biggest hurdle ever, till this very day of my life. I've used up so much energy, time, effort, determination, tears to adapt to the change in JC and for every single major exam I have to go through, I really wonder if I've sufficient energy and determination to pull through A's, confidence to do all the papers, and time to get myself feel prepared. It's not only putting my discipline, physical abilities, emotional struggle on a test, but also spiritually. Probably, this is the very first time I felt defeated, and I really need God for the strength I have within me is drying up.

Because after taking most of the papers, I am feeling even worse now. Maybe to many people, it is definitely better than the past, but to me, I felt that it's not my best and it may be even worse. I really don't know how long can I hang on.... The thought of U-turning back is really scary, and the thought that I took A's but did so horribly is even worse!

I always cheered myself by looking back at sec 2 when I really studied and memorized (like everyday) my hatest subject - Geography just to make sure I can overcome this subject. And I did it! Look back at Promos last year, I was so scared and worried I can't be promoted and thus I make myself study in school from 730am to evening. And I did it! Now, it's not whether I can do it, but I must do it! But how about this time?

I'm always constantly asking myself : Do I work better under immense stress?

I don't want to be beaten down, but I'm not strong enough.
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OMG! I'm home early today, and sadly to annouce, I slept for 3 hours :O But I definitely feel recharged now (: Lots of work to complete later!! JIA YOU (: Aim to sleep by 1am!!
Oh yesterday I had a full mock Math paper and well as usual, didn't have time to revise!! Straight after the 3 hour Paper 1, I rushed off to tuition for another 3 hour Paper 2!!! And I didn't even have time to eat first /: Luckily, I managed to survied (: Afterwhich, I went to YCK MRT to wait for my dad to fetch me and guess what happened?

A guy walked past me (I was at the bus stop sitting on the bench), then just stood there, nothing weird but then he poked me said, 'what time is it now?' And I just replied, never did I expect him to pop out a question,'Can we make friends?' It kind of shocked me! He tried to persuade me but to no avail, I shoo-ed him off by saying, 'My dad is coming to fetch me.'

OMG?! seriously didn't know what to do lah. zzzzz.

Okay back to stoning for awhile, and prepare to do work.

tmr's 3 hour of Economics Tuition : O (Hope I survive)
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I know I haven't been updating and it is super dead. Here I am doing some updating of the past week (an exciting one!) (:

07.08
It was NYJC's National Day celebration through games carnival, which I guess not very fun. :P then JJXY headed to Plaza Sing to watch Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince. The queue was surprisingly LOOOOOONG, luckily there's this group of girls who willingly help us buy tickets! The movie was alright to me, I'm smart (I didn't read, lol).
Then straight after, I went home, since JJX have other plans. Never did I suspect they were planning to get present for me, OMG THANKS GIRLS! That's about it.

08.08
It was my cousin's R.O.M @ some hotel @ Sentosa. Quite interesting and the bride is beautiful. Finally had the chance to meet up with my cousins after eons of years! Afterwhich we had lunch buffet which was YUMMMMY! Then I went off with my cousins to get PURPLE sneakers as the one I preferred didn't have my size /: After buying, I rushed down to church for the musical concert! I tell you, it's super embarrassing /: because I'm in my prom dress and heels, way too formal!!! Finally at 930pm, head for supper and home to sleeeeep.

09.08
I WAS EARLY FOR SERVICE! (:
Fellowship was awesome. Though it's just worshipping and praying in the dark, but it is really thought provoking, made me think back about the 1 year I've struggled. Times when I fight with my own weakness, fight with temptations, more importantly fighting with my inner self. Definitely, this has become a cycle of confusion. At the end of the session when we were asked about our feelings, I suddenly felt my heart beating so fast and by the time I looked at charlotte, she nodded her head and I just couldn't control myself but cry it out. I've always asked God when and how am I supposed to feel His presence within and I finally felt it, (: Thank you O'Lord.
Then we had out cha xu and birthday celebration! The cake is really cute - Singapore Flag! (:
Then headed home to slack xD Oh, I said my pledge to the comp at 822!!

10.08
Had tuition in the morning.
Headed down to Plaza Sing to shop for card materials for Bernice's card, took me about an hour! & the worst thing is left my hmwk in church!!! Thanks to Ce Ren, I managed to get it back! Thus the whole afternoon was spent studying with Clement, QF, Tim and Rachel. (:

12.08
Freaking tired because I did the card till 2am!! But I know it's all worth it! at 6pm after Review of Chemistry Paper, I rushed off to the heartland mall at Kovan to get flower for Bernice before meeting up with Clement and Tim to surprise her!
When we reached, Ben was at the door and his parents were preparing LOTS OF YUMMY FOOD! 3 of us waited for Bernice to finish bathing. We stood outside walking about, feeling so nervous (Clement having a very nasty idea of ..... HAHA) and when she finally walked out, we surprised her! (: We ate and talked and camwhore and cut cake till about 9plus!!! It's really awesome!! Great Gathering (:

13.08
It's my birthday! at 12am, just after I log out from MSN, I recieved a call from Louis and guess what he did, he sang birthday song! HAHAHAHA, it's funny but I'm really surprised and THANK YOU SO MUCH (: very sweet of you. When I reached school, Yannie and friends sang birthday song when the canteen was filled with people, seriously damn malu lah! When I was in class waiting for GP lesson to start, JJX suddenly came in with a mini cake and 5 balloons and a kiddy bag! I WAS O.M.G SHOCKED xD You can imagine : A girl with 5 red balloons, a red and yellow kiddy bag with presents, SUPER MACDONALD'S! But it was really fun (:
OH Mr Quek wrote a note for me too, thanks to the very sweet girls, taking the effort and time out to make this day so special for me! <3

Durng Chem Prac, Chong Xin came to school to pass me my present, thank you so much for coming, though I had to rushed off for lessons /: After school, JJXY CAMWHORED!!! (: Just when I thought it's gonna be super tough to carry all the stuff home myself, CLEMENT SURPRISED ME BY APPEARING INFRONT OF ME IN THE TRAIN. I was literally stunned, and he was nice to help me carry till YCK Mrt Station (:

At night, my parents and I went to this japanese restaurant to eat before heading home to study, LOL.

Lastly, a big thank you to:
Coco, Bernice, Xia Jun, Pei Ling, Charlotte Chen, Jun Jie, Kun Ming, Guang Wen, Chong Xin, Louis, Iris, Ren Yi, Eugene Peter, Wan Yi, Matthew, Eliza, Yan Jie, Glenn, Alvin, Clement, Stenphel, Michelle, Bing Xun, Diyanah, Bernice, Jackie, Rachel, Daniel, You Yu, Por Shin, Sut Sia, Nicole, Ying Chen, Chun Fui, Ming Sze, Steven, Hui Quan, Hannah, Zheng Hui

Jolene, Janice, Xin Ying, MR QUEK, Jia Rong, Alvin, Hui Yi, Sze Ting, Chong Xin, Timothy, Qing Feng, Clement, Mom, ah ma

Faithfulness Fellowship, Benjamin Lee, Benjamin Ho, Charlotte See, Kyrie, Pearl, Angela & everyone!!!

Sorry if it's very summarized, I need to do work now ): & pictures will be up soon (:
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okay, still having fever :/ means no school for me tmr! BUT! if I'm still down with fever tmr, I need to go hospital for check up, NOOOOOO ): I need to finish my work!!!

Geeez it feels horrible wasting my weekends sleeping! /:

SAVE ME!
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I've ignored my blog for nearly a month! Well, guess life has become so mundane, there is seriously nothing to update.

And at such great timing, I'm down with fever, cough, flu and headache! Even though the doctor gave me MC on monday (which is tmr), I doubt my mom wants me to stay at home which means I'm so dead since this weekend I did nothing but sleeeeeeeeep!

SIGHHHH! Worse still, I've got plenty of tests this week too, awesome isn't it? I can go bang my head alrdy lah!

HOW?!!!!
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I can proudly say I'm so dead, I'm so unproductive, I've done nothing much.
Sigh!

But, I did enjoy myself: being able to take time out to play beach volleyball, play tennis + basketball, and learning squash! (: Ah, hopefully sunday I'm be able to kayak! AWESOMENESS (:

APPPPLES! KIM BUM! F4, BOYS OVER FLOWERS! KOREAN + JAPANESE SONGS !YOGHURT! : reasons to be happy! (:

okay, back to worrying about my studying /:
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